I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She bit a glass in half.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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