There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
