RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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