just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
