He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
