textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize