I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
