mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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