Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
