It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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