Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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