just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
