You made me cry and you don't even care
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
