matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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