and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
