Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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