you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sorry my hands just texted you
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize