you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
