One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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