i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
