i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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