The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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