Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
