you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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