I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
