i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
