New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
