Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
