They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
