i just google imaged poop.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
