i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
