I wish life had little blips of pornography
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
