My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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