You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
