Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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