The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
