Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
