So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
