I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My friends, they love my intelligence
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize