If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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