I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize