sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
