No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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