Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
