Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't turn off my feet"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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