it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
