We're facebook friends in real life
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
