Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
