gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
