Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize