Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
