i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
