I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
