I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
