Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
