thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
