it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
