Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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