we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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