does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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