Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
