Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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