This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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