please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize