hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
