i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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