Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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