I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
