No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
