You just made me feel so damn special
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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