btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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