I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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