Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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