i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
