I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
