I hate your face
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
